American Football Vs. Soccer

LOS ANGELES, Ca (September 12, 2010) – I have been playing soccer for more than 30 years and began coaching more than 20 years ago.  In that time, American Football players and fans have used any number of disparaging comments about our game.

So, the “Foot Fairies” have a proposal for all of those American Football players and fans that think Soccer is for wimps.  First, for the fans it is simple.  Start with two stopwatches.  One watch will time how long the ball is actually in play, while the other will measure the total time your favorite player spends on the field.  The ball is actually in play for about 40 minutes over three hours.  Still think that takes a tough, conditioned athlete?  How much time does your favorite player spend on the field, and what percentage of that time was the ball actually in play?

For the players, we suggest a few changes to the rules:

1. The game is now two 30 minute halves, no quarters.  Halftime will be 15 minutes less injury time.  We know you couldn’t play a full 90, so we will go easy on you.
2. No more helmet radios or huddles.  The players on the field have to actually make decisions and play the game.
3. No time-outs, no TV time-outs, no injury time-outs.  The 45 second clock starts from the whistle stoppage.  Any stoppage will be added in at the end of the half.
4. No replay, no challenges.  The referee calls the game.
5. Fouls are spotted at the point of the infraction.  The defense must line up at least 10 yards from the ball.  Offensive fouls result in a change of possession.
6. Flagrant personal fouls will result in a yellow card.  Two in a game will result in a red card, ejection and loss of a player.
7. Any time a player carries the ball out of bounds, it is a loss of possession.  The opposing team must throw the ball in from the sideline at that point.
8. Fouls inside the 10 yard line result in a penalty – One player from each team, ball starts on 12 yard line with the defender on the goal line.  All other players must be outside 20.  When the player picks up the ball, the game is live and everyone is free to play.
9. Each team is allowed to name 18 players to the roster for a given game, 11 starters and 3 substitutions.  That includes the kicker.  Once a player is substituted for any reason, he is out of the game.  No offense/defense swaps.
10. You can keep your pads and helmet.  We wouldn’t want you to get hurt.  Besides, even Petr Cech wears a head protection.

Any football teams willing to play by our adjusted rules, assuming they can still stand afterwards, are welcome to complain about soccer afterwards…

Disagree with us?  Think there are other rules that belong here?  Let us know.